This is my dog Franklin:
He’s adorable. He’s also a homophobe.
I had imagined that my adorable dog would help me meet adorable men (or adorable women — I live in Alaska now; I can’t be too choosy) because that’s what always happens on television and there is no truer representation of real life than television (except perhaps the Interwebs). Franklin, however, seems to have other ideas.
You see, I think Franklin gets all of ideas about being gay from Pat Robertson because the only people Franklin ever helps me meet are prepubescent boys.
I like kids — I hope to have children of my own someday — but I don’t like kids, if you catch my drift. And contrary to what most Republicans and Evangelical Christians might have you believe, gay men aren’t inherently pedophiles. In fact, most psychologists would agree that there is absolutely no link between pedophilia and homosexuality. So take that, Franklin!
Of course, I could just be reading into things. After all, can an animal whose greatest joy in life comes from sniffing butts and poo really be anti-gay?